Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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