Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
how drunk are you?
Several
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
