Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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