I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
