i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
