Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
