I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
