You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
