Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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