Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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