I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
