I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
