My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you had me at cake vodka
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
