whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
