i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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