Your tits are I can't wait for
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
