My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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