Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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