I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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