its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
