if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love you.
Bad choice
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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