$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
