we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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