there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
