laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Liz is crying about burritos again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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