forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
