i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
