i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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