my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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