I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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