3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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