i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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