ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
