i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
