Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
