Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
