imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
