So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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