It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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