I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize