I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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