i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
