Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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