im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
