It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
