I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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