Who did Billy Mays play for?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
