i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
