I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
