My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
